


what is and what should never be

by rachelblairy



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, Thor (Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Mob, M/M, Mutual Pining, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-07
Updated: 2018-11-07
Packaged: 2019-08-20 09:35:18
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 13,768
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16553309
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rachelblairy/pseuds/rachelblairy
Summary: After an altercation brings down both Laufey and Odin, Thor must assume his new position of mob boss - complete with his new consigliere, Loki, and underboss, Valkyrie. And while figuring out who tipped off Laufey about their location and trying to groom Valkyrie into helping him do better than their predecessors, somehow combating his less than familial feelings about his brother is the worst thing of all.





	what is and what should never be

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first fic since 2013. That's five years. Which is about how long it feels like it took me to write this, to be honest. 
> 
> Thank you to my wonderful beta, [Becca](http://smanderberrypez.tumblr.com/) for motivating me on the final hump of this journey. 
> 
> Please, please check out the incredible artwork [STRALEN](http://stralend.tumblr.com/) posted in conjunction with the fic! Without them working so hard to create something so beautiful for me, I promise you this fic would not exist.

 

 **the prince of peace embraced the gloom**  
** & walked the night alone.**  
**oh, dance in the dark of night,**  
**sing to the morning light.**  
**the dark lord rides in force tonight**

     New York was always moving. Even in the middle of the night, rats rummaged through scraps of trash in the subways, drug dealers lurked in hidden corners avoiding detection, girls ran as quickly as they could in broken high heels from walks of shame, and the Odinson family, well, there was always at least a few of them on the streets, keeping an eye out for enemies, friends, the potential for a shift of power.

     Thor was restless, as he had been increasingly often as of late. Being the underboss meant taking the grittiest jobs, proving himself over and over so that Odin could see he was worth the chance. If he even wanted it anymore, and half the time Thor thought he might not. Violence, blood spilling freely down city streets, and for what - money? They had more than enough, laundered and stolen and obtained through centuries of illegal behaviors. Power? They had officers stationed around the city, Sif was already sitting cozy in the mayor's office. They could do whatever they wanted, and not for the first time in his life, Thor was questioning what that really meant for him.

     “You look tense, brother,” Loki’s voice purred in his ear, softer than he usually spoke. Thor let out a low chuckle, aware that Loki couldn’t hear him - he was sitting in a loft, watching Thor intently to make sure there was backup if needed. He had insisted he could do this on his own, of course, but Loki was never one to sit idly by while his brother rushed headlong into danger - a gun by his feet, surely, binoculars pressed to his face, the only form of communication a small wireless speaker in Thor’s ear. It was the only backup Thor would truly allow, and only because he couldn’t convince his brother that he had things under control.

     The threat had come without surprise; Laufey had been their biggest enemy since the very beginning, a raging war that began prior to either of their births. Had anyone known they were venturing out together, Thor already knew what their concerns were. Born to the son of the opposing king, Loki had been adopted into the Odinson family and treated as if he was truly one of them. That meant nothing to most, however, and there were constant whispers. What would happen if he turned against them? What if he was truly working for his birth father, setting Thor and Odin up to fail from the inside?

     But Thor trusted him, beyond doubt. Loki may not have loved Odin, but he adored Frigga, and most of all - he loved Thor.

     “Movement,” Loki hissed, and Thor snapped back to attention, turning his head in the direction Loki directed - “left side of Sal’s, just by the trash can.”

     With a gun in one hand, Thor slunk nearly silent across the alley, trying to get a better view of who it was. A raccoon, maybe, or even a bum - there were plenty of those diving for any spare piece of fruit someone didn’t finish - but who he saw was even more unexpected.

     “Father?"

     “Shh!”

     Odin yanked Thor out of the lamplight, a rookie move if he ever made one, but he was so flummoxed by his father's appearance that he’d forgotten for a moment that he was on a mission. A mission to protect Odin, of all things, and yet here he was - angry, clearly, his one eye focused on Thor though it should have been on the street around them, his mouth barely moving as he hissed obscenities.

     “What the _hell_ do you think you’re doing, do you realize you could have gotten killed? No backup, and you know that Laufey is out for - “

     “You, father, which is why you need to _leave_ \- “

     “All of us, Thor, not just one -  I’ve _never_ seen such insolence in you, not in almost a decade, I thought you’d _learned_ by now - “

     “Thor,” Loki snapped, and immediately his attention went to his brother instead of his father, though Odin didn’t seem to notice, “street corner, Laufey and at least three others. I’m coming down.”

     “No!” snapped Thor, his glare in the direction of a now abandoned window - Loki couldn’t hear him, said it was too risky for Thor to have a way to communicate back, but now it seemed riskier not to, Loki joining a battle that would surely end in someones bloodshed. His father, at least, was alert enough to sense that someone was coming, silence washing over them as a tin can was kicked to the middle of the quiet street.

     “I know you’re there, Odinson,” Laufey jeered, his companions laughing as they brazenly walked in the open, Thor once again angry that Loki hadn’t stayed in position long enough to shoot from above. “Come out, come out, wherever you are.”

     Odin had a hand wrapped around Thor’s bicep, as if telling him to stay - but he had seen his father in battle enough, had been in fights of his own enough to know when to make himself known. The time would come, but they would crouch in the shadows until then.

     A lackey of some kind stopped mere feet away from them, so close Thor could smell the booze sweating off his skin. _Idiot_ , Thor mused silently; you never did a job drunk, it was how things got sloppy, messier than they needed to be. Thor thought about taking him out quickly, but it would give away their position - instead, he trotted off to Laufey after a moment, his boss humming happily.

     “Stop hiding, Odinson,” Laufey taunted, “I know you’re up for a fight. C’mon - isn’t the ‘God of Thunder’ ready for some real action? Or is that just a nickname you use to woo the ladies these days?”

     Thor could see Loki now, crouched behind the stairs of an apartment building across the street, a flash of green before he was hidden in the shadows. But instead of comfort, it brought fear - if he could see him, so could the others.

     His worst fear was confirmed when Laufey stopped one of his boorish henchmen from approaching further, his laugh colder than it had been at first. “Is that _you_ , Loki?” he cooed, as if drawing out a child. “Here to save your surrogate father, baby boy? Or have you finally reconsidered, decided to join a _winning_ family for once.”

     “That’s enough.”

     Odin had escaped Thor’s grasp before he even realized how quickly he himself was following; Loki smartly stayed behind, but Laufey had gotten what he wanted anyways: Odin himself.

     “Nice to see you again, Allfather,” Laufey grinned, Thor’s grip tightening around the Colt in his hand. There was something in his smile that seemed sinister - more so than usual. It was enough to put him on edge, though there was no obvious weapon in any of his lackeys hands. “Glad you could join us.”

     “You will not touch my sons,” Odin demanded, his voice stern like it had been when they were children, playing in the park and being beckoned home, back to safety before someone could snatch them.

     “One of them,” Laufey reminded, “is _my_ son, Odin.”

     “I said,” a step forward, until they were uncomfortably close - if Laufey made a move, Thor wouldn’t be able to stop it, not without hurting his own father in the process, “you will not touch my _sons_ , Laufey. Either of them.”

     “That’s fine,” he replied cooly. “All I wanted was you.”

     The world seemed to combust at the statement; one second the street was dark, damp and sticky with summer heat and the next he was staring at a ball of fire, glass splintering on the pavement as the oil spilled against the soles of his shoes. He could hear Loki screaming, ‘run!’, but his feet wouldn’t travel far - he tore his jacket off even while Laufey began laughing, trying to put out the flames, but it didn’t matter much anyways - Odin was powerful, incredible, but even he couldn’t survive a molotov cocktail at his feet.

     Senses seemed to come back slowly, the blood rushing through his ears as it did when he was overwhelmed, his fingers reaching for his gun before a second thought.

     Words were unimportant, he had only seconds before Laufey realized what was happening - and by the time he did, it was too late. One didn’t seem like enough, though Thor would have loved for him to suffer slowly - no, by the time the second and third shot rang through the air, Thor’s arm recoiling from the force, Laufey was falling, his face a mask of surprise, as if he hadn’t anticipated immediate revenge.

     It was Loki who pushed Thor’s arm down, stopping him from sending another round of bullets through Laufey’s brain. Ignoring the firing display that was their father, he pulled out a knife from his own boots, pushing Laufey completely to the ground.

     “This,” Loki hissed, “is why I always said ‘no’. You’re a moron, an imbecile, and if you thought you could topple either Odin or his sons, you only fooled yourself.”

     Laufey had no words, the light already dimming from his eyes, but Loki made sure to end things on his own terms - a nice, clean cut through his throat, the blood soaking the ground as he dropped him completely, wiping his knife on his jacket as he took Thor in.

     “It’s time to go, Thor,” he whispered, though Thor couldn’t seem to move, just stood there watching. He knew Loki was right, there were sirens in the distance now, ambulance and police coming to find the remains, surely tipped off by some innocent bystander in the apartments above them. And while it would inevitably be pinned upon them, they couldn’t be there, couldn’t risk it - so Loki took control, grabbing Thor’s hand and pulling him back home.

     Back to safety for them both.

 **oh Lord, deliver me**  
**all the wrong i've done**  
**oh, you can deliver me lord**  
**i only wanted to have some fun**

     “Odin has fallen.”

     All Thor really wanted was to collapse into his own bed, but his apartment was across the bridge, tucked away in Brooklyn where he could pretend to have a life outside of the legacy that was being thrust upon him now without choice. But there was a job to do, people to inform, a business to run. He was their leader now, the top dog, their Don, and if he didn’t take the initiative immediately - it wouldn’t be surprising if someone tried to topple him right out of the gate.

     The room was silent, sheathed in minimal light from the rising sun outside, all eyes on him. Heimdall was sitting outside the apartment Frigga was sleeping peacefully in - Loki had brought them right to him immediately, alerting him to the disaster. _Our father’s dead_. One sentence, almost devoid of emotion except for the small hitch Thor could detect that no one else would have noticed. But Heimdall wasn’t just anyone, and he had immediately known without words what this meant - his time as the consigliere was over, that it was time for a new reign.

     One Loki had probably wanted far more than Thor.

     Heimdall had done one last task as adviser, rousing those who would need to be alerted immediately, getting everyone to their meeting space in order for the announcement to be made. They’d stumbled in, half drunk, half sleep deprived, all eyes on Thor - at least, when they weren’t looking to his right, to where Loki had sat immediately, taking Heimdall’s seat. The only one that lay vacant was Thor’s previous position - a new underboss would have to be announced, and he knew that would be another fight in and of itself.

     “Laufey was prepared. Tipped off. When we find who alerted him, they will be dealt with.” The threat of what would happen to them went unsaid - traitors were handled swiftly and silently, in abandoned warehouses kept especially for said reasons. “In the interim, you know that I have been named Don. Heimdall will be retiring, and my consigliere will be Loki - “

     “Who says it wasn’t him who betrayed us!” came from the crowd, and while Thor had anticipated the objection, he wasn’t ready for the shiver of tension that rolled through him, Loki’s eyeroll a sign of exhaustion next to him.

     “I say,” Thor argued while murmurs started to surface, his own core group to the side with the loudest objections. They’d never trusted Loki, never understood that Thor needed him just as much as Loki needed Thor, that the two of them were more interwoven than any other. Loki may not have been a true Odinson by blood, but the bond between them was greater than that. “I suggest that all comments and critiques on this decision be kept to yourself.”

     Even Loki, as impassive as he normally remained during these types of meetings, couldn’t suppress the smirk on his features.

     “More importantly, I know there are several capos who were hoping to advance once Odin passed,” the implication that it might have been a motive was left unsaid, a trick of words Loki was normally far better at than him, “but I have already made my decision on who will fill my former role.”

     His eyes roamed the room, passing over Sif and the Warriors Three who followed him obediently in every journey, every mission, each confident that they’d follow in his footsteps should fate determine it. But it had been decided long ago, behind closed doors - the next underboss would take everyone by surprise, Odin warning Thor against his choice. But he found her eventually, in the back corner with a not so hidden flask in hand, feet up on a table as she pretended not to be interested in the proceedings.

     She would be able to help make much needed changes more than anyone else.

     “Valkyrie.”

     The room burst into arguments and shouts at that, but Thor kept his gaze upon her - she looked immediately surprised; it was one of the few genuine emotions he’d seen from her, something he knew would make her a much better boss than he was bound to be. Her feet fell to the floor, but she knew better than to fight - despite flaunting against authority as often as possible, she understood the rules, rebelled within them in order to keep things fresh and interesting.

     “Enough!” Thor finally boomed, Valkyrie finding her way to his left hand side and plopping down without ceremony, the room falling silent as Thor’s hands fell to the table beneath him. “The police are bound to be showing by my apartment soon with the news, and over the next few days _all_ of our actions will be scrutinized.”

     The three of them faced the rest of the room, at the capos who had been working for the Allfather for decades - most were solemn, some disgruntled, not a one of them seemed to be hiding a joy that might betray their role within the nights transgressions. But Loki would see things Thor could not - who would refuse to look him in the eye, who would be fiddling within their pockets, who would look anxiously at the door more than normal. Thor was bold, brash, moving full speed ahead - Loki stayed in the background, observing and tracking and keeping mental notes on what would heed Thor best.

     Loki nodded imperceptibly, and Thor cleared his throat once more. The entire room kept their faces turned in his direction, and he saved his most important announcement for last.

     “After tonight, we’ll be meeting in a new location. There will be changes coming - much needed changes in how we operate, what we do, who we do it with. While the police will be keeping tabs on anyone presumed to be involved with the family, our own eyes are more powerful than theirs. Remember that. Above all, keep your head down. When the time comes to reconvene, Loki will fetch you.”

     There were some small titters of disbelief, as if Loki would dare to defy Thor so openly - and so soon - but Thor ignored them, holding the gaze of anyone whose eyes he could meet.

     “You’re dismissed.”

 **yes, there are two paths you can go by**  
**but in the long run**  
**there's still time to change**  
**the road you're on**

     Thor made it to his apartment a mere hour before the police did - enough time to shower and lay down, to appear as if he’d woken from a deep slumber instead of crawling across the city streets and speeding across the Brooklyn Bridge to his own home. It was the first time he allowed his emotions to take over him, his true nature taking over - this, he could understand, he could fathom. Holding his heart off his sleeve was impossible, but as they informed him his father had passed, he let the tears fall, slumping back onto his couch as he asked if they’d told his mother and brother just yet.

     “We know the two of you are close,” the lead detective said - Thor wasn’t really worried about the case, the detective had only been given his position due to help from Sif a few years earlier. “We thought you might want to be the one to break the news.”

     “I appreciate that,” Thor sniffed, wiping his eyes on the palm of his hand, “it’ll be traumatic enough for her without the police involved immediately. Is there a number we can contact?”

     “Absolutely,” Steve - blonde haired, blue eyed Steve, with a strong moral compass that only floundered at times of urgency, handed Thor his business card as if they’d never met before, his eyes meeting Thor’s with strange intensity. “And I should warn you, others will be involved soon. With...rumors as they are, and the victims who they were, it would be impossible not to involve our own higher ups.”

     Thor nodded his understanding, knowing it was possible Steve was sticking his neck out for him - but just as the family would take care of Steve, the agreement was that he was supposed to take care of them when he could do so undetected. Drug busts gone wrong, murder cases smudged with evidence - but two mob bosses dead in an alley, Thor knew this would go above and beyond all Steve had ever handled before.

     “Can I walk you out?” Thor finally offered, trying to keep his voice steady while grabbing his own keys and phone. While Frigga of course knew what had happened, Steve would hardly be the only cop they sent towards Thor’s apartment; the heavyweight man debating which paper to buy at the newsstand would be backup, the owner of the car idling across the street wasn’t simply ‘warming up’ considering the hot August heat. In fact, he wouldn’t have been surprised if they hadn’t been hiding out on the rooftops of apartments along the street. Appearances had to be kept, and Thor would have to pretend to deliver the bad news - at the very least, it gave him the excuse to go to his mother, to cry on her lap like he was still a child, to allow her calm hands to thread through his recently shorn hair and whisper words of comfort that would do neither of them any good.

     Steve walked alongside him, a cop and a mob boss, both fully aware of what the other was. Steve would do what he could, Thor was sure, but even still, he would keep Hogun close to him, perhaps have Sif moved to his precinct, to frazzle and seduce if possible, to keep him in line with the family’s desires.

     “Good luck,” Steve said, offering a hand, and Thor shook it with a quiet ‘thanks’, Steve nodding his remorse as they parted ways.

 **won't be so fine, it's my turn to cry**  
**do what you want, i won't take the brunt**  
**it's fading away, can't feel you anymore**

     When they had separated that morning, Thor had sent Loki straight to the apartment building their father had bought years ago. He and Frigga had the top floor penthouse, of course, but it was his ‘legal’ business, renting apartments out to poor college kids at nearby NYU while using half the space for his own businesses, entire suites carved out for various purposes. Half the third floor was dedicated to one of their better capos who pushed marijuana to the locals, coke and pills to the politicians and wall street brokers, and meth to those who needed just _one_ more fix.

     It wasn’t those rooms he was worried about, though; he had warned everyone not to tell Frigga before he arrived, but he had a feeling she’d know regardless. And while his own crew might have been innocent with condolences, others wouldn’t be.

     Those were who concerned Thor. A rogue middleman on some misguided attempt at revenge going after Frigga wouldn’t have been unheard of, especially with both Odin and Laufey gone - a way to prove themselves, to show they were deserving of the new title. As if Laufey hadn’t had a successor in mind already, like they wouldn’t have someone to follow suit. In their line of work, it was a requirement - after all, you never knew when your time was up.

     Loki was hidden in shadows, a practical illusion in the dark but Thor knew how to find him, and together they walked in silence to their mothers apartment.

     Heimdall was standing guard outside her door, a nod and a pat on their shoulders as they walked by his only acknowledgement of the past few hours. Thor’s heart broke as they entered; somehow, news hadn’t managed to reach their mother yet, and she was sitting at the breakfast table with her toast and coffee, a mug placed upside down for their father's return.

     “Boys!” She greeted, immediately rising to rummage for more mugs, chattering away momentarily while the two stood shoulder to shoulder, grim looks on their faces. It wasn’t until she found Thor’s favorite mug - a present from an ex-girlfriend, a science pun on it’s side - that she finally took them in, putting the cup down slowly as she became silent.

     “It’s dad,” Thor choked, and Frigga remained mostly impassive as he began to speak, her eyes watering and it was Loki who darted across the room to catch her before she fainted.

     The two of them led her to the couch, Thor fetching water while Loki murmured soft words to revive her. When she finally did, it was almost instantaneous - a sight Thor had never seen before, not even when Odin had sent Thor to Chicago to learn a lesson in leadership, threatening to cut him out altogether.

     (In retrospect, Thor wished he could have taken the opportunity for what it was: a way out, a clean break, a new beginning.)

     Somewhere along the lines, with Loki’s voice comforting Frigga and Thor resting on the floor by her feet, he fell into a restless sleep, not even the sun in his eyes stopping him from slipping away.

 **in the days of my youth**  
i was told what it means to be a man  
**&  now i've reached that age**  
**i've tried to do all those things the best i can**

     “You look like shit.”

     Odin’s passing had taken its toll on everyone, undoubtedly, but Thor seemed to be bearing the worst of it. Planning a funeral so that Frigga wouldn’t have to, keeping his capos in line so that the family wouldn’t fall into disarray, Valkyrie sitting at his desk with her feet up and a bottle of brandy in her hands taunting him, neither she nor Loki helping any when it came to finding out who tipped Laufey off about their planned ambush.

     Thor didn’t bother with an answer, wiping his face with his hand as if that would wake him up any while they looked at the cork board Sif had come up with to try and help. (Or, according to Loki, to remind Thor that she still existed.) The Odinson family had numerous enemies - who involved in crime didn’t? - but pulling a hit like the one that had taken down both Laufey and Odin was bigger than anything most were capable of.

     “You know what everyone’s saying,” Valkyrie offered, quieter this time, her feet finally on the floor as he glanced at her over his shoulder.

     “It’s not Loki,” he replied. Because of course he knew, how could he not - it was the immediate response everyone had jumped to, but Loki had been just as quick to save their father as Thor had been, had been just as distraught in the privacy of Frigga’s apartment as Thor had been, had even been found stumbling into Thor’s apartment instead of his own under the guise of ‘needing company’.

     No one believed Loki to have genuine affection for the family. But Thor knew better, had seen him more than anyone else ever had. And in his own way, Loki had cared deeply for what Odin did for him.

     Years ago,  when the truth had first slipped out, Laufey had tried to entice his son. The promise of his own family to run, the grandeur of running one of the most notorious families in the city - for awhile, Thor was genuinely nervous that Loki would accept. After all, the offer had come just days after Odin had announced his official decision - when his time came, Thor would take the lead, would continue the family legacy that he’d spent decades building. While everyone assumed the title was going to the most deserved fighter, to the one who wanted it most, no one knew how much it tore Thor up inside. Not even Loki. And the possibility that one day they might have to go head to head, to fight one another as leaders for their own sanctions of the city? He couldn’t do it. He wouldn’t.

     Thor knew intrinsically; he would do anything to protect Loki, whatever side he stood on.

     “You’re blind when it comes to him,” Valkyrie tried again, pushing a box of files out of the way with her boots, “you always have been. And you know he’s Laufey’s - “

     “He’s my brother,” Thor said shortly, cutting her off before she could finish. “And whatever complications may have risen in the past about his bloodline, that’s that. Whatever he may personally feel for Odin, he knows how I feel. And he wouldn’t do that to me.”

     It was the most honest he’d been with anyone about the situation. Because in the corner of his mind, the dark recesses he tried to block out with alcohol or the occasional sampling of their own product, he could see everyone else's side. He could understand why they all thought it was Loki. Odin had kidnapped him, lied to him, made him think he had as strong a possibility at the job as Thor, and then it had all come out in the open - Loki wasn’t truly an Odinson, would never run their family, would never be trusted with that much.

     Thor could remember how Loki had thought he’d been  in on it the entire time as well. A cosmic joke played upon Loki, one that came to the two of them with knives at the others throat, hissed words of betrayal from one with reminders from the other of the bond they shared.

     So, yes, Loki could have conceivably have pulled the strings to accomplish the murder of both his biological and adoptive father. But Thor would never ask, and Loki would never tell, and that was the end of that.

     “Maybe we should focus on something else, then,” Valkyrie sighed, sliding on top of the desk, “like getting your capos back in line, or reshaping whatever the fuck this monarchy stands for.” Her voice was softer then, even without Thor turning around to face her. “You don’t want all this bloodshed, Thor. You didn’t even want this. Do better than him. Do better than all of them.”     

     “You do realize that if they’re not discussing Loki murdering his father's,” Thor chuckled, his face embracing a small grin as he looked her in the eye, “they’re wondering about you.”

     “Fuck ‘em,” Valkyrie shrugged. “You know why you made your choice.”

     “But do you?”

     It was one of the few times Valkyrie remained quiet - not out of an attempt to make everyone around her uncomfortable, but because he genuinely believed she might not have understood it herself. She was never one to question, never one to argue against the plan. In the past, as a mere associate, of course she had. But Thor had found her charming, had seen the desire to do more good than bad - a kid stuck in a bad position, a bad fight down in Harlem taking out her lover, Thor’s own sister at the helm.

     No one had trusted her when she joined. No one but Thor.

     “You want better than this.” It was a simple fact, one even she couldn’t deny. “You’ve seen the senseless violence, the worst we’re capable of. If something happens to me, you’ll do better. You’ll make us better.”

     “Then let’s be better.”

     His grin was bigger this time, and he took the flask Valkyrie held out to him.

     Yes. Odin was gone, his family in shambles. But Thor could do better. They would do better.

 **they're wearing steel that's bright & true**  
**they carry news that must get through, oh**  
**they choose the path where no-one goes**  
**they hold no quarter**

     “You shouldn’t trust her,” Loki scoffed when Thor filled him in on the days events. “How do you know _she_ didn’t arrange for Odin to come?”

     “What good would it have done for her?” Thor challenged, swirling his empty tumbler around until the bartender caught glance of it, refilling it with whiskey before he could ask. “She didn’t know I planned for her to be next in line. It’s unheard of.”

     “And, frankly, a stupid move.” Thor wasn’t surprised at Loki’s opinion; the two were so strangely alike that it was never a surprise they were at ends with one another. “For you to choose someone so far removed from the family - “

     “Would you have preferred I recall Hela?”

     Loki blanched at that; neither of them were all that sorry their sister was gone, locked up in a high security prison upstate, serving a life sentence for a slaughter she hadn’t bothered to hide her part in. Their father had been the one to turn her in himself, his days already numbered though he couldn’t have possibly known, the time to turn a new leaf long past overdue. Hela thrived on blood, on chaos and pain, and if she was left in charge, she surely would have burned Manhattan to the ground purely for the fun of it.

     “You have made at least one right decision,” Loki mused instead, long fingers tracing the edge of his own glass. “Heimdall would never be so blunt with you.”

     “Heimdall has done us a great service,” Thor answered, “but while I trust him with my life, he doesn’t know me quite like you do.”

     A heavy silence, the implication surrounding them before Loki cleared his throat, Thor throwing back his whiskey quickly.

     “So your next plan of attack?”

     “I want to do good. Valkyrie and I spent the day setting up a new account, strictly for donations - the money may be dirty, but it’s about time we give back somehow. I’ve decided to start with the children's hospital. They could use with an upgrade in supplies, and after the shooting last month - “

     “That wasn’t your fault,” Loki interrupted, but Thor shook his head, not listening.

     “Regardless. It was my capo who was careless enough to start a fight he had no reason for in the first place, who didn’t bother to ensure no pedestrians would get caught in the crossfire. I already paid the child's bill when I heard - his mother was barely making it as a waitress, struggling to even put food on the table. But how many others may have been put there, even indirectly, from an action of ours?”

     “And do you truly think it wise to do such a large gesture, so soon after father passed?”

     “I don’t care.”

     “You know best.”

 **everybody trying to tell me**  
**that you didn't mean me no good**  
**i've been trying, Lord, let me tell you**  
**let me tell you i really did the best I could**

     Thor had never been any good at secrets.

     When he was younger, of course, he had been able to hide things from his parents. But his emotions always lay right under the surface, his heart on his sleeve. It had made things uncomfortable for those around him, from time to time. It had made it harder, really, to try and deny what the painfully obvious truth was.

     No one would ever be more important to him than Loki was.

     It was part of why Jane had moved across the ocean, to study in London with an esteemed scientist who would help her grow. She had considered staying in New York, of course, considered staying for Thor. But he could never put her first, not the way she deserved, not the way he wished he could. So he sent her, bought her the plane ticket and everything, kissed her forehead and told her to go solve the mysteries of the universe.

     If anyone could, it would have been her.

     There had been others, throughout the years. Thor was by no means a saint, and had taken some to bed he probably shouldn’t have. The worst was Sif; he knew how she felt, of course, everyone did. But it was had been when Loki was at _his_ worst - blaming Thor for the secrets, keeping him at arm's length, and all Thor had wanted was comfort. Familiarity.

     He hadn’t meant to break her heart, not really. But he couldn’t love her like that, either. He was never going to be the man she thought he was.

     It wasn’t any better with the men, either. Strangers, mostly - too dangerous to sleep with his own capos, his own associates. They’d kill him as soon as fuck him, just for a chance to rise to the top. But even those with dark hair, with mysterious green eyes, lithe bodies - they didn’t know how to tease, what buttons to press, how to make him unravel.

     Not that Loki knew.

     Thor could never tell him.

     Sometimes he felt like maybe Loki knew. Maybe he understood. Their bond was so much stronger than merely _friends_ , even stronger than what _brothers_ meant to them. And maybe they weren’t blood, sure, but there had never been a doubt in anyone’s mind that Loki was Thor’s, and Thor was Loki’s.

     Most just didn’t understand how deeply Thor felt that.

     It had only happened once, Thor weak and desperate and arriving at Loki’s apartment with a bottle of top shelf whiskey he’d taken from the bar. Loki had merely let him in, entertaining him for a bit before he asked why he had really shown up, why through the worst storm of summer Thor had braved walking six blocks through Brooklyn at three am to show up at Loki’s door. 

     He had thought that maybe, if Loki just kissed him back, that would be enough. He could forget about the sins that roamed his mind, he could push it back and forget it ever happened. But maybe it was the alcohol, or the soft pattering of rain against Loki’s floor to ceiling windows in his living room, the soft fire in the fireplace. Because it didn’t stop with a kiss, didn’t stop with anything until they were both sweating and out of breath on the rug next to his couch, naked and exposed in ways they had never been with one another.

     For a moment, Loki had let Thor wrap an arm around his waist, to burrow his face in the crook of his neck, his nose resting against the faint outline of a bruise he’d made there, to breathe deeply until he fell asleep, his brothers scent overwhelming him into dreams he could never piece together in the morning.

     But when he woke, Loki was gone. No note, nothing but Thor’s clothes folded nicely on the couch above him, and when they saw one another a few days later, Loki had acted as if it had never happened.

     So Thor did too.

     But that didn’t mean Thor ever forgot it. That Thor didn’t run it through his mind at least once a day, watching Loki’s lips move when he talked, remembering the press of them against his hips, how Loki’s fingers had wrapped tight around him, how warm and inviting he had been when Thor pressed deep inside.

     But if Loki didn’t want to acknowledge it - well, Thor had to learn how to keep things quiet. For both their safety, if nothing else.

     Something told him, after all, that none would take too kindly to the two brothers sleeping together.

 **ah, sometimes I grow so tired**  
**but I know**  
**i've got one thing i got to do**

     “I’m all for doing better,” Valkyrie pressed, the three of them sitting around Thor’s kitchen table, a case of imported beer depleting rapidly by the hour, “and we’ve got some solid plans - we made the donation already, you’re going to try and meet with the city commissioner about renovations in the area. But we can’t do a 180 overnight, Thor. Laufey’s gang is already seeking revenge, and I don’t know much about whoever took control after -

     “I do.”

     Thor and Valkyrie both turned to stare at Loki; he’d situated himself at the island bar (always above them, never an equal), staying quiet as they made plans for the future. Thor knew, of course, that the drugs and violence and prostitution that their success was built on couldn’t disappear, and certainly not overnight. That didn’t mean he couldn’t try and be a more genial ruler regardless.

     “Well?”

     “He’s from outside the family entirely,” Loki finally allowed, drawing out the suspense as best he could. As much as he denied it, hid in the shadows, he thrived on being the center of attention.

     (“You’re lucky,” he’d mused in the days following the funeral of their father. “We’re lucky. It could have been us.”

     Thor had pushed it from his mind, drowning it out with alcohol and cocaine, but he could hear the words still reverberating around his brain. Was he supposed to have been taken out? Would Frigga have put Loki in charge with both Thor and Odin gone? Had that been the plan?)

     “Please,” Valkyrie snapped with a roll of her eyes, “continue to keep us waiting.”

     “His name is Tony. Stark.”

     The three of them looked at one another; Stark was well known, and surely it was a risky, if not bold move. An arms dealer who supplied the entire northeast, he had connections the Odinson clan could only hope for. He could cover his tracks better than Thor and his tenuous relationship with Steve could ever imagine/

     “Well,” Valkyrie chirped, opening another bottle of beer. “We’re fucked.”

 **said you know i love you baby**  
**my love for you i could never hide**

      It was an unsaid thing between them. If anyone asked about it, Thor would say it was due to grief, mourning of their father, that led Loki to staying in the guest room night after night. The truth was, if Loki did try and depart for his own apartment in midtown, Thor wouldn’t let him.

     He didn’t want to let him out of his sight.

     Ever since that night, Thor was having a harder and harder time sleeping. Dreams were plagued with fires, with Loki’s eyes burning into his own, _you’re lucky_ reverberating over and over. When he did fall asleep, it was usually interrupted by his own voice echoing around the apartment as he woke himself up screaming, Loki rushing in to check on him, the two of them looking panicked at one another for a moment before Loki left the room and Thor tried to calm himself back down.

     Ultimately, it was best not to sleep, and sometimes the two of them would just sit in Thor’s living room, staring at the empty fireplace and sipping from tumblers of whiskey instead.

     “Do you remember,” Loki ventured one night, Valkyrie long gone, Thor exhausted after an afternoon at the city commissioners office trying to ensure his ‘funding’ went to the local elementary school for new books and supplies, his mind too tired to even try and wander through the plans of the next day, “the night you showed up at my apartment?”

     Immediately, Thor’s entire body went stiff. It had been almost three years since, and never had Loki even given a moments acknowledgement of it. For all Thor knew, it had been a fever dream, his own imagination taking on the false shape of a memory. He managed to choke out a strangled “Yes,” his eyes cast down on his empty tumbler, his throat dry as he attempted to remain calm.

     Loki stayed silent for a few minutes, Thor’s own breathing coming in shorter and shorter bursts. When he finally managed to look up, all he could hope for was some semblance of control, that his panic wouldn’t be evident on his face.

     “You never came back.”

     Thor swallowed, his eyebrows knitted together in confusion. “I didn’t think you wanted me to.”

     “Why wouldn’t I?”

     It was always Loki who was better with his words, with the implications and games and covering what he meant with something else. But Thor, he wanted so desperately for the meaning to be plain as day:

     That Loki had wanted it too. That he’d wanted Thor as his own.

     “We never spoke of it,” Thor allowed. “About what it meant.”

     “You never were good with your words,” Loki’s voice was teasing, a lilt of a smile on the corners of his lips.

     “And what about you?” Thor countered, fingers tightening around his glass. “Did you ever tell me what it meant for you?”

     “I’ve told you from the very beginning,” Loki said carefully. “There is no one who loves you the way I do.”

     It had been almost a millennia since Thor had heard those words, and rarely to his face. He’d told Sif, he’d told Fandral and Hogun and Volstagg, defending his love for his brother when they distrusted his presence. Loki had only ever told Thor once, a sneer of a statement while Thor was floundering, trying to find his own footing in their world, while Loki was tormenting the family, Odin and the capos and everyone but Frigga, acting out upon the announcement of his true birthright.

     It hadn’t been a comforting thought at the time.

     “So does this mean - “

     Thor didn’t get to finish his statement; instead, the door to his apartment burst open. A group of men, dressed in all black with their faces shrouded behind masks, surrounded them, the movement almost silent. But Thor and Loki were hardly unprepared - immediately, from the tuck of his boot, Loki drew out two knives. Thor reached into the couch cushions to grab the gun he kept hidden there in case of situations exactly like this - it was how greater men than he had been taken out, after all.

     But they were outnumbered, vastly. At least ten of them, and while Loki and Thor stood back to back, the chances of being able to fight their way out were slim to none.

     “We didn’t come to harm,” one of them said, his voice low and deep and unfamiliar under his hood, Thor’s attention snapping to his left to hear him out. “Let us take what we need, and you will remain untouched, Odinson.”

     “I don’t barter,” Thor hissed, wishing he had more than just a simple gun in his hand - it never felt like enough, though it would do far more damage than Loki’s knives would. “And I don’t have anything you desire here. This is my home, and you’ve already come too far to escape without penalty.”

     “But you do,” another voice laughed, higher pitched and coming from directly behind him - facing Loki, surely, and Thor could feel his brothers back tense against his own. “This doesn’t have to end badly.”

     “Like Hell it doesn’t.”

     He was faster than they had been expecting, lunging towards the closest hood around him, a punch thrown towards black fabric to main. The gun, well, it was a last resort, really, but Loki was already in action himself, going up against two of the others while chaos erupted around them.

     Thor didn’t like their odds, not even remotely. It was five to one, at minimum, and while he was good, he didn’t know if he could be _that_ good. Still, he was able to launch into combat, grateful as he could be that they seemed to prefer fists to skin over weapons as much as he did, that the fight felt as fair as it could under the circumstances.

     This was what he had enjoyed in his youth; the crunch of someone’s nose breaking under the power of his fist, the stuttering of breath as his fingers wrapped around their throat, Loki fighting beside him, knives out and aiming for max damage. Arteries that would bleed but not kill, Achilles heels to hinder their ability to fight. The two of them in sync, arm and arm every step of the way. It was never like this with others. Not with Sif, not with Valkyrie, not with the Warriors Three. He’d have to watch them, make sure they knew what his intentions were.

     He and Loki, however, didn’t even need to speak. It was intrinsic, as if they truly shared the blood they’d believed to for so long. Where Thor needed him, Loki would appear, the two of them moving as one.

     Thor managed to capture who they believed to be the leader, Loki turning to hold a knife against their throat.

     “Tell us who sent you,” Loki sneered, pressing the knife just far enough to allow some pressure. “Tell us why you’re here.”

     “Loki Laufeyson,” their voice trembled with amusement, laughter almost escaping, the knife in Loki’s hand digging deeper. “Cut off one head, five more will appear.”

     “Who sent you!”

     Loki’s voice was a scream, and the stillness of the others made Thor apprehensive. There wasn’t a single movement, only the laughter of the man who Thor had locked in his grip. It was unsettling, making Thor’s stomach turn, and -

     The world went black.

 **i gotta roll i can't stand still**  
**got a flamin' heart can't get my fill**  
**with eyes that shine, burnin' red**  
**dreams of you all through my head**

     The apartment was silent when Thor awoke; his head was throbbing, the only light coming from the sliver of an open window shade. Dawn, surely, which meant Thor had been out for several hours. He rose slowly, trying to take in the wreckage. His apartment had seen worse over the years; all things considered it was fairly intact. A chair overthrown, a few shattered picture frames his mother had hung over the years.

     But he was alone. There was no friend nor foe, but more importantly, there was no Loki.

     He checked his door; he had locked it upon his arrival the night before, he always did, but it wasn’t busted in as one might expect. In fact, it was closed and locked once more, raising the hairs on the back of Thor’s neck. They had keys. They could strike again.

     “Get over here now,” Thor growled when Valkyrie answered her phone moments later, words slurred from exhaustion or drink, he didn’t know. Nor did he care.

     Someone had come for the one thing guaranteed to set Thor off.

     Someone took Loki.

**without a friend, there's no denying**  
**you're incomplete, they'll be no finding**  
**looking for what you knew.**

     They stayed hunched in the darkness of his apartment for the better part of the morning. There was the obvious list of suspects - other families in the city, even those from out of town, but ultimately it was decided that the most obvious suspect was also the most likely.

     “They called him _Laufeyson_ ,” Valkyrie reminded him, almost gently. As gentle as she could allow herself, at least. Steve, called on for any potential leads he could give them, nodded in agreement.

     “Stark has been quiet,” Steve offered, “almost too quiet. I know you said that he was supposed to be their leader but - “

     “According to our intel, yes,” Thor interjected.

     “I’ve kept an eye on him, per your request. I haven’t seen him do anything out of the ordinary. No strange visitors, no hidden phone calls. We tapped his phones, and nothing. No criminal activity linked to him at all.”

     “We have to know where they’d take someone,” Thor repeated, but Valkyrie just sighed, shaking her head as if she couldn’t believe she had to repeat herself. “The docks, downtown? They own some warehouses, and with the proximity to - “

     “Thor!”

     “- water, there’s no telling if they kept him locally or shipped him out. And if they did ship him, that means we have to widen our search beyond just Manhattan - “

     “Why are you missing the _obvious_?”

     “-and while we know Stark has ties in DC and Malibu, would he risk sending Loki somewhere so obvious?”

     “Wait,” Steve interrupted them both, trying to catch up to what both Valkyrie and Thor were saying. “Obvious. _Obvious_. I can’t believe I missed it.”

     The two looked at him, Valkyrie with a scowl, Thor with hope.

     “Every year, there’s a weapons convention, upstate. Stark hosts it on his own grounds - it’s empty save for July, and some of the attractions are hosted in rooms that are basically dungeons.”

     Thor didn’t listen to another word, simply grabbed his keys and headed for the door.

     “Let’s go.”

**i hear you crying in the darkness,**  
**don't ask nobody's help**  
**ain't no pockets full of mercy, baby**  
**'cause you can only blame yourself**

     They took two cars. Steve, Valkyrie and Thor in the first, the trunk loaded with supplies and weapons. Sif followed behind, Fandral and Hogun and Volstagg with her. A small but effective team, his best capos and leaders, on a rescue mission. None of them trusted Loki - except perhaps Steve, but Steve simply didn’t know Loki well enough. Thor didn’t care. What they did trust was him, and if he said ‘jump’ they’d do so without hesitation.

     (Well, maybe not Valkyrie, but she was handy in a fight, better than those who trained under the Odinson regime their entire lives.)

     The car was silent save for the radio, an oldies rock station blaring out the thoughts running through all their minds. Thor had heard Valkyrie confiding in Steve at their own warehouse in Brooklyn; “I’m not convinced Loki didn’t do this to himself.” Steve had asked for an explanation, but Thor had slunk away before they spotted him, not wanting to blow his own cover.

     Not wanting to overhear Valkyrie echo his own deepest thoughts and fears before they ran into what was sure to be a dangerous fight.

     It took three hours to drive upstate, the seven of them convening a mile outside of the fairgrounds. Elaborate, decadent - Stark was nothing if not a show off, making him even more dangerous if it was indeed him in charge.

     “Sif, you take Steve and enter from the back,” Thor directed, everyone ensuring their belts had extra clips, a knife poking out of the top of Valkyrie’s boots the way it frequently did Loki’s, “I won’t bother hiding myself, since I’m sure it’s me that they want. Volstagg and Fandral, you two come from the left - Hogun and Valkyrie will come from the right. Be discreet, and keep in contact.”

     Everyone nodded, looking at one another with grim faces before taking off, Sif and Steve first to find the back entrances of the fairgrounds, Volstagg and Fandral bickering quietly as they slunk off into the woods, Hogun beginning to walk while Valkyrie stayed put for a moment.

     “You know this could be a trap,” she stated, and Thor nodded, his own face set and determined. Whatever happened, he’d have to live with the consequences. “The odds are that Loki set this whole thing up himself are high.”

     “I know,” he admitted, the only time he’d ever acknowledge the faults of his brother. “But if there’s even a chance - however small and minute it may be, and I didn’t go after him - “

     Valkyrie nodded, she didn’t need anymore than that. It was one of the most reassuring traits she had. She hadn’t been there when they were teens, when they were young and when Loki lashed out at everyone. She’d come in after, she’d seen the two of them over the past few years. Wiser, stronger. Together as much as any two people could.

     “Be careful.”

     It was the most sentimental she’d ever been, and Thor was touched, a faint smile crossing his lips as she jogged to catch up with Hogun, leaving Thor on his own.

     Even as dusk fell around them, the air was hot, sticky with humidity and no promise of a forthcoming fall. The only sound he could make out once his comrades left him was the buzz of mosquitoes surrounding him, the fluorescent hum of a streetlamp as he walked towards the main entrance, Stark’s name looming over him in silver metal.

     If Loki was truly behind this, then all their planning would be for naught. Thor had been so focused on saving his brother that he hadn’t begun to consider issuing any sort of surprises for their attackers, and if his friends fell, it would ultimately be all his fault. But he wouldn’t let himself consider the threat for very long, not with so many actions already in motion. Stark, and his men, were clearly after something. Finishing the job Laufey had not, perhaps, or attempting to prove themselves the most powerful in the wake of new leadership.

     Whatever it was, Thor was willing to walk into their trap, would be willing to walk through fire if it meant Loki would return to his side.

 **the hammer of the gods**  
**we'll drive our ships to new lands**  
**to fight the horde, & sing & cry**  
**valhalla, i am coming!**

     Inside the hall, Thor could hear soft murmurs from another room. Above him, below him - he had no idea, the atmosphere almost surrounding him. They could have been anywhere, circling around the empty auditorium and finding purchase on his ears. He moved cautiously, back against a wall at all times as he maneuvered around him. He didn’t dare alert the others that he’d made it in - communication, he’d demanded, and then refused to partake in himself. But they’d had further to walk, might still be waiting outside in the woods, watching for any movements.

     (Of course, they could have been captured already, but he’d heard no sounds of distress, of a fight, and surely they would have alerted the others of any movement they’d seen.)

     He found a hall off the main banquet, still sliding among the walls. But he was exposed, open windows showcasing him to anyone who watched from outside. And in the sinking twilight, Thor could see less and less of what happened beyond the building, though they’d be able to see him entirely. His feet moved as silently as possible, fingers twisting open a door that led to a staircase. Enclosed, no windows, no exposure, his heart rate slowing as the panic ceased. This was safer, at least to a point. It only took a minute to decide to head down; surely, if they were keeping someone prisoner, it would be safer to keep them below the ground, where no one would hear them screaming if they were being tortured.

     (It was something Thor had found out when he was merely seventeen, Odin bringing him while they held a member of Laufey’s gang captive, Thor wincing as he remembered the sounds of the young man’s screams. Not much older than he, dragged into the middle of a war centuries old.)

     There were doors marked on every floor, until the very last; six stories underground, metal and unhinged. Almost inviting him in, despite that the previous floors had been pristine white and locked. They had expected him, had planned for him. It didn’t make it easier for him to push the door wide open, but he was never one to give up.

     The hallways were dark, bare bulbs hanging every few feet from the ceiling, half of them burnt out or swaying despite the lack of wind. An act, or trick, of some kind.

     He heard him before he saw him, his heart dropping even as he radioed the others - “Basement, six floors down.” His voice was nearly silent, but Loki’s laughter stopped regardless - the two of them, once again, in tune with one another.

     He could hear the faint murmurs of the others, telling Thor they were on their way, but all he could focus on was the jaunting voice so familiar to him; “And here’s my big brother, ready to save the day.”

     Thor walked into what had to be a laboratory of some sort, two men certainly being held hostage, though neither were Loki. When his eyes adjusted to the lights - brighter, showcasing every dark crevice and unstable table in the room - he could begin to make them out. One was Stark himself, a binding around his mouth to keep him quiet, the other an unknown, someone surely on Stark’s side, perhaps whoever the lab belonged to.

     And there, in the center of it all, was Loki.

     Completely unharmed, his hands flat against an operating table, his grin sinister as it was wide. It was all of his worst nightmares, come to life. He didn’t even need an explanation, though he’d ask for one anyways - everyone else had been right, all along.

     “Loki.”     

     “You made it. I was beginning to wonder if you ever would - what finally tipped it off?”

     “Steve,” Thor answered, and Loki hummed in surprise, even as Thor continued to try and assess the situation. His team coming now would only bring danger to all of them - whatever Loki had planned, Valkyrie and the others didn’t need to suffer as well. But without an obvious way to tip them off...

     “He remembered that Stark had this land. Said he’d come to a weapons convention here a few years ago. And since our last intel had reported that Stark was in charge - “

     Loki barked out a laugh, sinister and cruel. It brought a shiver to Thor’s spine, one that made him pause completely.

     “I still can’t believe you two fell for that. As if Tony Stark, a reformed weapons dealer who’s trying to _save the world_ would possibly be capable of running an operation like this. Even you, dear brother, as prepped and trained as you were, are still woefully unprepared to actually lead an organization. Donating money and trying to rehabilitate your own prostitutes - your ignorance is staggering, your incompetence _laughable_.”

     Thor barely listened to his brother, focusing instead on the sound of his heart beating in his chest, the blood rushing through his ears. He was trying to listen for the sound of footsteps - it seemed impossible to hear anything, however. The room felt like it was cut off from everyone else entirely, isolating them away from anyone trying to come help save them. Coming to save Loki.

     “Why?”

     It was an honest question, genuine in his desire for the knowledge as much as it was a stalling tactic. If it came to blows, he wanted it to be just him and Loki. But there were innocents tied up, his friends on their way to help, and he needed to figure out a way to get them out safely. He needed time. And if distracting Loki was his only option, then he’d at least get some answers to the questions that were only just beginning to build up inside of him.

     “Why not?” An infuriating answer if ever there was one, enough to give Thor pause, to stare his brother down instead of assessing his situation. “Now I have your full attention, don’t I?”

     As if there had ever been a time Loki hadn’t.

     “How long has this been going on, brother? Were you behind all of it? Pretending to kidnap yourself is insane, of course, but what about father - was that you too?”

     “The perfect solution, of course. Two birds with one stone - lure father out with an exaggerated threat, send you into battle to get Odin out on the field himself, and Laufey was sure I was on his side the entire time.”

     “Because he doesn’t know you,” Thor scoffed. “You’re never on anyone’s side but your own.”

     He’d told himself it was a lie for years, but it all came down to this. Loki had somehow tugged the wool over his eyes for too long, had played with him, had devoured him, and in the end it was all for naught. In the end, it was all just a game.

     But Loki surprised him, for the first time in a long time. His eyes warmed minutely, the smirk he’d been wearing fading just a fraction.

     “I was on your side, Thor.” A pause that seemed to last for a thousand years, the silence between them stretching endlessly as Loki reveled in letting that bomb settle on Thor's chest. 

     “Until, of course, that night.” Another bomb. A way to ensure that Thor’s heart hammered louder in his chest, a way to send him into panic. He glanced behind him - “don’t worry, your friends aren’t coming, they’ll be held up on the third floor,” Thor’s eyes thrown towards the corner where Stark and his friend were laying silently, hopefully still alive, though Loki refused to comment on that.  “Now, let’s get back to business, shall we? We were about to speak of what you’ve been avoiding for years.”

     “You were the one that left,” Thor croaked, his throat dry and an ache inside him that felt too raw to touch. He’d spent so long avoiding the topic that it felt as if his body was refusing to cooperate, despite the possibility of finally hearing Loki’s side. Of finally knowing that Loki thought of it too.  “I woke, and you were gone.”

     “You _used_ me,” Loki hissed, slamming his hands down in a way that almost echoed Thor’s own actions that first night he’d taken over, announcing to everyone that their father had been murdered. “Don’t think I don’t know what you were doing, Thor. Placating me, trying to ensure that I would never fall into Laufey’s line - “

     “What? Loki, _no_!” Thor argued, but there was no stopping Loki now, not once he’d gotten started.

     “Was it a game? A bet you lost, perhaps? That would be impossible, of course, because the great and mighty Thor _never_ loses. Did you and the others have fun laughing at me behind my back? How pathetic I was, falling for the one man I could never have?”

     A crash sounded above them, but Loki paid it no mind - whatever he had in store to stop his friends, he was confident it would work. That, or he was too involved in his own self righteousness, his own determination that he had been wronged. And it amazed Thor, how he could have it so backwards - how he’d spent years with the same thoughts, echoing around his brain like a song he could never quite turn off. How alike the two of them had always been, ‘two sides of the same coin’.

     “Loki, that’s not what it was at all.”

     Loki let out a huff, but he refused to meet Thor’s eyes. He wanted to cross the room, to take his brother into his arms, to explain that there was never - _would_ never - be anyone more important to him than Loki. That he would move Valhalla and Hel in order to be with him. But even as he attempted a move, Loki moved much faster, a knife thrown across the room as if it was a dart, slicing just where Steve’s hand had appeared as he pushed the door open, cutting it open as the rescue mission tumbled in.

     They looked the worse for wear, and it was obvious that someone had caught up to them - Valkyrie had scratches along her face, Sif was bleeding from her abdomen, and there were sounds behind them that surely belonged to the Warriors Three and whoever they were battling.

     “It was him,” Valkyrie shouted, not even aiming for subtly as she tried to jump over a table, cornering Loki while Steve ignored his new injury. But instead of looking scared, or even outnumbered, Loki merely let the grin overtake him once again, looking over Valkyrie’s shoulder to stare his own brother down.

     “Tell them, Brother,” he taunted, though Thor felt torn between rescuing Loki and the fear of what he was planning. Frozen, almost, as Loki’s laugh echoed around them, stirring Tony Stark awake enough to finally start reacting to the situation around them. His new shouts only added to the confusion while Laufey’s gang seemed to corner them in the room - the room that had suddenly expanded, a wall disappearing into the ground as more members of the opposing family surrounded them.

     “You don’t deserve him,” Sif spat, wiping the blood from her side as she tried in vain to rebound for another attack. “You never deserved him!”

     “Loki, call this off,” Thor pleaded, hoping that the sincerity in his voice was enough to get through to him as chaos erupted. He barely blinked as Hogun and Fandral came in, three of Laufey’s fighters surrounding them while Volstagg had one wrapped in a chokehold. Loki’s eyes met his from across the room, but his grin looked just as off putting as it had moments before.

     Even Valkyrie wasn’t enough to hold him down if he wanted to be free, and with a swift move, legs kicking hers out from under her, he was free, disappearing into the midst of fighters. Thor had a thousand thoughts as he took off after his brother - they should have had more fighters, more back up. They should have told someone what happened. No one should have followed him into battle in the first place. Maybe this was for the best.

     But none of them stood a chance against the most predominant thought Thor had always held; _save Loki_.

     While Thor had brute force, Loki was lithe and slid through the crowded rooms easily, keeping Thor at bay with one lackey after another. Someone who would push him into someone else, punches being thrown, weapons attempting to slow him down - he could feel those around him trying, though he refused to let them. He could play just as well as they could, _better_ than they could. Throw someone into a wall without looking twice, an arm twisted behind a back, headbutting someone else at the same time. He’d been trained to fight well, and while the team was loyal to Loki, they hadn’t been taught well enough. They crumbled as Thor made his way after his brother, until there was no one willing to chase after the two and eventually it was just a matter of speed.

     Loki had always been faster, which had frustrated Thor to know end when they were children. He was smaller, lighter, could fit himself into crevices Thor wouldn’t have even seen if he hadn’t watched his brother dart inside of them. And the basement of this convention center was worse than when they were kids - Loki knew where he was going. Thor had no idea.

     “ _Loki_!”

     His voice echoed around the halls, twisting and turning as he tried to catch up. His brother taunted him, laughing from one direction and then another. A trickster by nature or nurture, no one would ever really know for sure. It was infuriating, trying to track him down, and when he managed to finally do so, Loki was merely sitting, waiting.

     Taunting.

     “How many more goons do you have coming for me?”

     “None.”

     There was no reason to trust him, but somehow Thor still did. An insane impulse from years fighting side by side, perhaps, or maybe Loki’s calm demeanor simply settled him. He’d been on his right hand side enough times to recognize his posture - hands folded neatly in front of his chin, eyes gazing imploringly as if the other party was truly going to offer something he wanted. But he knew, of course, from experience - no one had anything Loki could possibly want.

     “It wasn’t like that,” Thor started, and Loki continued to stare, his way of giving Thor permission to continue. “That night was - it was everything to me, Loki. I always thought it was you who never wanted to acknowledge it, who didn’t want to recognize it for what it was to me.”

     “A game.”

     “Not a game,” Thor corrected, moving slowly towards his brother, until he could kneel in front of him, looking him in his eyes. “For me, Loki, it has always been you.”

     Loki turned his face, refusing to look at his brother. It was disarming, to see him so ruffled. Whatever he had expected from Thor, it surely wasn’t this level of honesty, of earnest. But Thor could also see beyond what his brother was saying. He was a master of words, and even more than that, knew exactly how to manipulate people into letting their own guard down.

     “But that’s not why you did this.”

     “What? Of course it was,” Loki feigned, but the widening of his eyes was just a little too much, the quirk of his lip just a little too sudden, and Thor actually felt himself chuckle, his chest tighten as laughter slipped out. Loki only seemed infuriated by Thor’s amusement, frowning as he watched his brother. “What is so funny, Thor?”

     “You staged a kidnapping. You had an entire army waiting to attack my - _our_ friends. What’s the real reason you did this, Loki?”

     “I told you!”

     “No, you haven’t. You claim it’s because I didn’t talk about that night, but neither have you. And you were never afraid of making me uncomfortable. So out with it. It’s just you and me now, Loki. No reason to hide anymore.”

     There was anger simmering under the surface of Loki’s calm demeanor, a rage that somehow had escaped Thor’s attention. For years, maybe. When was the last time he had allowed himself to gaze upon his brother, without worrying about someone else noticing? How had he missed the shadows under his eyes, the pulse in his throat throbbing with pent up aggression? He’d refused to listen to anyone speak ill of his brother without sitting up and taking the moment to figure out where these concerns had come from.

     “Tell me.”

     “ _You_ ,” Loki finally burst, the word a hiss out of thin lips, “you think you deserve the real answers? That you deserve everything? That you can _win_ this time?”

     “My defenses are down, Loki. If this is some plot to kill me, then this is your chance. No weapons, no fight.”

     “A gift, then, is it?” Loki was across the room in a flash, his strength surprising for someone so agile, pinning Thor against the door they had come through. His fingers flexed around Thor’s throat, tight enough to restrict but not tonight enough to maim, to kill. “You come ready to bow down to me, to _allow_ me this opportunity to take your life? And I should be grateful, I assume, that you’d be so humble as to allow your brother the one thing he wants above all - bloodshed. Power.”

     “I have tried to give you everything, Loki.”

     “Everything _you_ wanted!”

     Still, Loki’s fingers relaxed minutely, allowing more air for Thor to take in. They hadn’t been this close to one another since that night, and the realization seemed to dawn on Loki as well, his hand pulling back even more, fingers loosely touching his pulse point as they stared at one another.

     “What do you want?” Thor asked, much quieter than he’d ever been in his life. A little raspy, but he would chalk that up to the air finally flowing through his larynx freely once more. And when his eyes flicked towards Loki’s lips, it was only because his brother had done the same to him. “Tell me, Loki. What do you want?”

     For once, words seemed to fail Loki, and when his hand moved towards Thor’s throat again, he wasn’t sure if it was to kill or to take. But he couldn’t deny the relief he felt when all Loki did was pull him closer, almost hesitantly kissing him.

     If this was all he had of Loki, he’d take it. And he wanted to let Loki control it, to let him take what he wanted, but Thor had always had an issue with impulse control, and his own fists curled up in the leather of Loki’s jacket, pulling him close while moving him backwards. He wasn’t hesitant about what he wanted, not at all - and thankfully Loki seemed to respond in turn, kissing back just as fiercely as Thor did. Nails scraped against his skin, lips parted to make way for tongues, and all Thor could think was _more_.

     “Is this it?” Thor managed when they parted briefly, if only to breathe. His mouth took no real break, however, moving from Loki’s lips to his jawline, teeth dragging across skin until he left behind red marks, hands pushing away layers of clothing. “Is this what you wanted? Do you think you had to go to such theatrics just for this?”

     Loki responded in turn with his hands roving across Thor’s shoulders, nails scraping through his scalp as Thor lifted Loki onto the table, settling in between his brothers hips. There was no stopping him, not with Loki so amenable. A distraction tactic, maybe, but Thor was a greedy man, deprived of what he’d been thinking of for so long, a groan escaping him as Loki palmed the front of his jeans. There was no chance not to respond to his brother’s hand, stroking through the denim, teasing with the hint of what they both wanted.

     “Please, Loki,” Thor begged, Loki’s laugh vibrated against his collarbone, while Thor tucked his own face against Loki’s throat. “I need you.”

     It was enough to spur Loki onward, fingers moving quickly to slip the button of his jeans undone, to unzip them and he didn’t even bother to let Thor slide them down his hips, instead just let his hand reach inside. Thor was already aching, trapped inside of denim but Loki’s hand was smooth, soft, and the small moans his brother made only spurred Thor forward, climbing onto the table and hovering over Loki as he pulled his shirt up, smattering kisses across Loki’s chest.

     His own moan vibrated across Loki’s skin as his brother tightened his grip; Thor’s tongue catching a nipple and tugging at it with his teeth, Loki’s hips raising in gratitude towards him. Almost desperate, wanton, and Thor did it again just to get another reaction out of Loki, to feel how hard Loki could grip his cock. He wanted to remember what it felt like to be inside of Loki, to have his legs over his shoulders, to push into him and feel him close tight around him until they both came, but it wasn’t exactly like Thor had planned for this, and even in the haze of lust that had overtaken them, he wouldn’t be able to look himself in the mirror if he didn’t prepare his brother completely.

     Instead, he’d have to settle for feeling the weight of Loki’s cock against his tongue, and he was none too gentle as he ripped off Loki’s slacks, tearing them down his legs and immediately pressing kisses down against the briefs that covered the skin Thor wanted most of all. Loki couldn’t touch him, not like that, but his hands did rake through Thor’s hair, whispered words urging him forward.

     It was so much better than he could have remembered, those late nights alone with his thoughts and his memory, with boys who never had the same heavy look in their eyes, who never had the admiration that Loki had as Thor took him into his mouth. Loki’s mouth opened wide, his hips jutting forward, but Thor could take all of him easily. His hands stayed busy, stroking what he didn’t take or teasing his balls with his palm before letting his mouth swallow those too.

     “ _Thor_.”

     Loki’s voice was hoarse, shallow breathing that made his chest rise and fall as Thor took him in. And Loki’s hands reached out, not for Thor’s hair, or even to push him down once again. No, he was reaching for a hand - a hand Thor gave him willingly, without question.

     He brought Loki right to the cusp before pulling free, a loud _pop !_ from the suction as he crawled back up his brothers body, smattering kisses on Loki’s hip bones, his abdomen, his chest before he pulled him in for a kiss, open and dirty and pushing the taste into Loki’s mouth so that he could feel it on Thor’s tongue. It was enough for Thor, just to be there against his brothers thigh, grinding his hips against Loki’s pelvis, precum leaking from the tip of his own cock and the desire to come so strong he didn’t know how long he’d last. It was like he was a teenager again, giddy and being touched for the first time.

     “Touch me,” Thor pleaded, and Loki obliged, grasping both of their cocks in his hand and stroking them, pulling them both to the brink of something incredible. He could feel the slick feeling of Loki’s palm, sticky from his desire, and it wasn’t enough. He needed more, just enough to push him off the edge.

     “You always did want everything,” Loki chuckled, the sound dark as it reverberated around the room. An ominous phrase, not one Thor had been expecting, but the thoughts were run from his mind before he could dwell on them as Loki ducked to take Thor into his mouth, tongue exploring the spot under the head of his cock that surely would make him unleash everything for Loki. But he didn’t stay there long enough, ducking down to lick a thick strip from the base of his cock to the tip, swallowing him down easily as Thor tried not to push his head further down his dick until he hit Loki’s throat.

     It was Loki who allowed it, in the end, pulling Thor’s hands to his head until Thor could hold Loki’s head still, his hips rocking back and forth at his own speed, his brothers eyes looking up at him. The same eyes that had looked up at him in admiration when they were younger, who had solaced him in the wake of their father's death. The ones that had pleaded for him to fuck him that night, so many years ago, that Thor had thought about endlessly in the days since.

     He couldn’t help himself, and he didn’t even give enough warning, but Loki made no complaints for once. Simply took everything Thor had to offer, swallowing down what he could while some dribbled down his chin, a vision that made Thor nearly black out from desire.

     There was so much more he wanted, so much more he _needed_. Things to say, to figure out, to get to the bottom of. They had been fighting - their friends were around there, somewhere. Loki had staged his own kidnapping. But all Thor could do was watch in a daze as Loki stroked himself to completion, his come pooling with the remnants of Thor’s in a shallow pool near his navel, a shiver running through Thor as he watched.

     Thor was a sleeper, always had been, the physical exertion and the emotional toll of the day sweeping over him fully. And while Loki chuckled, draping himself elegantly over Thor and allowing a hand to rest on the small of his back, Thor could already feel himself drifting off.

     Whether he was awake or asleep and dreaming, Thor only knew that he could feel his smile widening when he heard the softest words ever whispered to him.

     “ _I love you_.”

 **you hurt & abuse telling all of your lies**  
**run around sweet baby, lord how they hypnotize**  
**sweet little baby, i don't know where you've been**  
**gonna love you baby, here I come again**

     There was no way to tell what time Thor finally awoke again. The room was the same as it had been when he’d fallen asleep, except for one major detail:

     Loki was gone.

     No evidence of him shown anywhere, and while Thor could hear Valkyrie calling for him in the distance, hear doors slamming open - Steve, surely, or maybe even Sif - all Thor could do was lay there on the cold table, shivering as he traced his skin, trying to feel Loki’s marks on him even now.

     It had been a game, again. And Loki’s true intentions, whatever they could be, were no more clear to him now than they were before he let himself get carried away by a mistaken notion of what he had thought was love. Because if Loki did love him - truly loved him, in the way Thor loved Loki - he wouldn’t have disappeared.

     He wouldn’t have pit himself against Thor. Not like this, in a fight for power that Thor had never even really wanted. No matter where this ended up, Thor would be the one to pay for unknown crimes, because there was a basic fact that none, not even Loki himself, seemed to understand.

     Thor would lay down his life for Loki.

     And at the end of it all, Thor knew deep down inside of himself, that was surely the way this would all end.

**Author's Note:**

> all song lyrics are from various led zeppelin songs, because without them i would have never entered the marvel fandom. thank you, immigrant song, for making me go see a comic book movie and completely altering my entire fandom preferences.


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